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Get Clicking - Are You Building Bridges or Barriers in Your Relationships
May 20, 2015
Here is your latest issue of Get Clicking - Relationship Tips Helping You Connect with the One You Love
Get Clicking's Mission
To offer relationship tips that help couples "Get Clicking" in their relationships, and to help couples looking for love advice to "Get Clicking" through cyberspace technology to some of the most influential mentors of relationships available on the Internet.
Published by Stan Leffew
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
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IT'S EASIER TO BUILD BARRIERS BUT BETTER TO BUILD BRIDGES
Recently, I had a Facebook first for me.
I was banned from a Relationship-themed Page.
Yep! I was, and I have a really good reason to tell you about it.
No, I'm not upset over it. No, I'm not venting over it. No, as far as I know, I didn't do anything to deserve it. No, I wasn't disrespectful or dishonoring of the Page.
So what happened, and why am I telling you this?
I had been adding comments to some of their Posts like everyone else does on the Page, and I got up one morning and I had been banned. That's all I know! No explanation given! Not only banned; but every comment I had shared had been deleted.
Best I can tell is my comments were receiving a lot of attention (likes, comments, shares) from their audience, and they got territorial and banned me.
It's easy to ban someone from your Page. Just a one-click deal and you get to showcase your power. The barrier is set and the wall is up and running.
Now, all this Page had to do was message me and let me know the problem, and I would have graciously and courteously complied. But, that would have required building a bridge when it's easier to just throw up a wall and build a barrier.
But the Page doing this to me is not what this post is about!
This post is about something far more important!
It’s about how WE DO LIFE!
Many of us do relationship life just like that!
It can happen gradually. Someone hurts our feelings or makes us angry, we lay a brick. They say something we take the wrong way, we lay another brick. Our spouse says something he/she shouldn’t have said, our masonry skills again and again (metaphorically speaking) lay more and more bricks. Before long, we have built a barrier for self-preservation no one can scale.
It can happen suddenly. Our guard is always up and we have such a defensive way of doing life that the moment anyone fails to meet our expectations, we push a button like that Facebook Page did me (again, metaphorically speaking) and this impenetrable shield goes up to shut them out.
We build barriers when we should be building bridges.
For way too many of us, we find it easier to hold grudges than to hold hands. To hang on to our bitterness than to forgive.
The problem when we do this, though, is we will reach the end of our lives and either have an ocean of regret from relationships broken, that our self-preserving barriers kept out, or an ocean of relationship memories that refreshed our lives from bridges we built to connect. In case you haven't noticed, even A KISS builds a bridge.
It’s up to you! You can use your masonry skills to put up a wall or to build a bridge.
Most walls we know of in history were built to keep enemies out. Most bridges we know of in history were built to bring friends together. If you’ve ever Googled both, you notice right away that the bridges are far more beautiful and far more breathtaking than the walls.
So, too, are the bridges we build to the hearts of other people in our lives. As in real-life bridges, they are hard to construct, but they can be so breathtaking to behold and the beauty they fill our lives with can’t be measured.
Kiss your spouse today and build a bridge!
Recovering from Quadruple Heart Bypass Surgery
I apologize for the silence of this ezine. Just before Thanksgiving of 2014 I started having light chest pains (no heart attack, just what they call Angina Pains). Even though I am young, and even though I was in the best physical shape of my life (worked out 3-6 days a weeks body building for the past six years), I was told by my doctors that I would not live to see the new year unless they fixed me.
It was completely a caught off-guard situation for me and my family. I have never been on any medications and I have rarely even had to take an aspirin for a headache.
Due to genetics (my parents have history of heart disease), though, it turns out there was no blood getting to the back of my heart. My LAD (left anterior descending artery) was 94% blocked, preventing 4 other arteries feeding the back of my heart from getting any blood flow.
Emergency surgery and around a year or so of recovery leaves me with a very promising diagnosis. But it has required a very challenging recovery, preventing me from doing a lot of the things I love (like this ezine).
However, I am back and I am so glad to be in the swing of things again with this ezine. My health is returning and you will start noticing a pick-up in the frequency of this newsletter. I hope you understand my silence these last several months and I hope you enjoy this issue of GET CLICKING - Relationship Tips Helping You Connect with the One You Love.
Did you know that love does NOT conquer all?
You see, often people get married with the idea that their “chemistry” or undying love for each other will keep them together forever.
However, with almost 50% of marriages ending in divorce these days, it’s obvious that this isn’t the case. Therefore, it pays to know a few little secrets before getting married.
Here are 5 tips that help keep couples together long after tying the knot:
TIP#1 -- CONTINUE DATING
Over the years, people often drift apart or relationships and marriages become stale because couples fail to do new and special things together.
That's why going on new and refreshing dates is so important. In fact, there is something about “dating” that creates a sense of magic in a relationship and can even bring relationships out of a rut.
While on a date, you also put more effort into your appearance, have more uninterrupted time to communicate on a deeper level and are naturally drawn closer together.
Stuck for ideas? Spend the day at the aquarium, zoo, museum, carnival, bookstore, beach or park.
TIP#2 -- DELAY IS OFTEN BETTER
It’s a well-documented statistic that couples who have dated for a year or longer before marriage have a significantly lower rate of divorce than those who married after a short dating period.
A year of dating gives time for many emotions to surface and many character traits to be discovered. You may adore someone in the spring, but despise him or her in the winter.
Asking someone for his or her hand in marriage on the third date isn't romantic. It's gambling.
TIP#3 -- ALWAYS EXPRESS YOUR LOVE
Oftentimes, as a relationship matures, partners tend to stop praising each other because they 'assume' their partner already knows what they're thinking.
When in reality, a day should never go by without you praising your partner. Compliment them on their cooking, reaffirm that they're the greatest person in the world or tell them they’re a wonderful role model. If you want to be loved and romanced by your sweetheart, love and romance them first. When they're feeling loved, it is much easier to love in return.
Are you a super supporter of what your mate does and says? So do you cheer them on and praise them constantly? Or do they constantly hear boos or silence?
TIP#4 -- TAKE TIME TO UNDERSTAND YOUR PARTNER
Couples with the most problems are often the ones that say, "I just don't understand him/her."
So let me ask you: How knowledgeable are you about your mate's profession or the degree they are pursuing? Do you know anything about his or her family heritage? Are you able to have a meaningful conversation about her cross-stitch hobby or his interest in rugby? If you are a man, do you fully understand what women experience during PMS or menopause?
You don't need to be identical, but make an effort to learn about the things that interest your partner in life and you'll grow closer as a result.
TIP#5 -- ANSWER THE *BIG* QUESTIONS
Does your partner want kids? Do you both want careers? Do they have a history of spending their way into debt? Do they go to church?
In my opinion, the biggest reason almost half of marriages end in divorce is because couples fail to ask each other the right questions BEFORE they get married.
I guess people think they'll be able to change their spouses after marriage and everything will be better. Wrong. If you fail to sit down and discuss finances, religion, sex, housing, your future, and other topics in great detail, you could end up with nothing but argument after argument for the rest of your days.
In the end, if you both have completely different views, desires and goals in life, there’s no guarantee that chemistry or "I love you’s" will help you stay together.
Make it your utmost priority to understand each other 'inside-out' BEFORE you take that walk down the aisle.
About the author:
My friend Michael Webb is the author of “1000 Questions For Couples" the most comprehensive book of questions that all couples should ask before getting married. Covering lovemaking, religion, careers, money, children & raising them, household work, personalities, the future and much much more.
==> Check out 1000 Questions for Couples 1000 Questions for Couples
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