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Get Clicking - My Dating Conversation with My Daughter
October 01, 2013
Here is your latest issue of Get Clicking - Relationship Tips Helping You Connect with the One You Love
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Published by Stan Leffew
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
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MY DATING CONVERSATION WITH MY DAUGHTER
I’ll forever treasure how she held my hand all the way from the car into Starbucks as if she was on a date with the most amazing person to ever walk the earth. As we walked and she held my hand I found myself wondering if she knows how much she holds my heart.
My daughter is 9 going on 19, sometimes 9 going on 5, and sometimes she is just 9. I've learned to treasure her in all her ages (that's us in the pic, below).
Today, though, this was a special date. A date with her and JUST me! No siblings or mom allowed! Why? It is Father’s Day weekend and she has me all to herself for a few hours on a special date with dad.
As we pulled into the Starbucks parking area I had no idea we were about to be handed a lesson on her future dating and how to handle it should it happen.
My blinker was on for three minutes while I waited for the lady leaving a parking spot to back up and leave. A hotel shuttle driver got angry and went around me glaring because he didn’t want to wait for her to back out and me to pull in to her spot. Another driver pulled up coming the other way, saw my blinker, ignored it and took the parking spot as the shuttle bus came around blocking me from getting there first. My daughter was shocked that she would do such a non-courteous thing.
Fast-forward a little, now!
It was a beautiful day and we decided sitting outside would be ideal. As we talked the conversation soon turned to the events that happened while parking. I used it as a springboard conversation into her future dating years.
I asked her what she thought of the woman taking our parking spot. She angrily replied that it was rude of the woman to do such a thing. The shuttle driver also could have waited since he was only going a couple of car lengths further and parking in front of the hotel.
We both decided that what we had witnessed was a crossing of courtesy boundaries.
We have all experienced the breaking of courtesy boundaries (someone cuts you off as you drive down the highway, someone takes the seat you were reaching for, someone jumps in line ahead of you). The examples are endless and easily recognized by us all.
With courtesy boundaries out on the table, I looked at my daughter and explained how she had dating in her future. I told her that some boy in her future, just like that lady who took our spot, might not honor courtesy boundaries while out on a date with her.
I explained how he may take her out but spend all his time checking out other girls when they are together. We came up with a CODE for when this happens. All she has to do is call me at any time she feels courtesy boundaries are being disrespected by her date and speak our CODE word. I will then come pick her up and leave her Prince Charming to his non-courteous self alone with all the girls he is NOT with.
Even 9-year old little girls understand courtesy boundaries!
So, why does this even matter?
I’m glad you asked!
I want my daughter to know that not every Prince Charming needs to go back to charm school.
I want her to know that not all men have such a "sweet tooth" they can't keep their eyes out of the "candy store".
I want her to know not all men walk around in a "must gaze" daze.
I want her to know that real men know how to let their heart lead their eyes instead of their eyes lead their heart.
I want her to know not all men just value women for their bodies so she doesn’t feel she needs to grow up using hers to be valued, too.
I want her to know that real men know how to be courteous with their behavior.
Her only requests!
Instead of just taking her home I have to finish the date that the Prince Charming who needed to go back to charm school lost his chance to finish.
I told her it was a deal!
As we walked back to the car, was it just my imagination that her grip on my hand seemed even tighter than before?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
by Stanley J. Leffew
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This is one of the biggest relationship struggles women around the world have. The beauty standards of our world causes even the most attractive of women to feel she is not measuring up. When her husband/boyfriend is always checking out other women, he has just become another measuring stick telling her she is not measuring up.
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1000 Questions for Couples
How well do you know your boyfriend/girlfriend or your spouse?
Do you ever look at that one special person in your life and wonder who that stranger holding your hand is and how can you really get to know them better?
What hidden realities about your husband or wife remain hidden simply because you never asked?
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