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Sugar For My Coffee, Issue #003 -- CUT CUPID SOME SLACK
February 17, 2004
Hello,

Here is your latest issue of Sugar For My Coffee

Dated February 17, 2004
Issue #003

Tribute to Angela
This is a special Valentine issue of our Newsletter. We are dedicating this issue as a tribute to a young lady who blessed our lives on Valentine's Day this year with her servant heart.

Early in the week before Valentine's Day we received a phone call from this young lady offering her babysitting services so my wife and I could go on a real "Valentine date" this year.

Being single, she wanted to find a way this year to bless a couple that, due to children constraints, may not otherwise get to go out and celebrate Valentine's Day.

She said that she wanted to find a way this year to be proactive and be a blessing by enriching someone else's romantic holiday instead of concerning herself with being alone on this day for lovers.

Fortunately for us, we got the call.

Angela, thank you so much for the gift you gave out of your servant heart to our marriage, home and family. Your "Pay It Forward" blessing sets a great example for many other singles to follow. You, perhaps more than anyone else this year, made Valentine's Day what it should be about: GIVING rather than RECEIVING love.

When people all over the world read this issue, it will pay tribute to you for your special act of kindness.


*Sugar For My Coffee Mission*
To journey each month into The Coffee Shop of Make-Believe. While there, through cyberspace technology and the click of a mouse, we can enjoy a cup of coffee together as we get to know some of the most influential mentors of life empowerment of our time. Our presence together becomes, "Sugar For My Coffee".
Published by Stan Leffew
SFC@advice-for-lifetime-relationships.com

If you like this e-zine, please do a friend and me a big favor and "pay it forward". If a friend DID forward this to you, and if you like what you read, please subscribe by visiting here.


TABLE OF CONTENTS

* Monthly Mentor - The Coffee Shop of Make-Believe
* Perspective - The Comedy Clip Relationship
* Journey With Jessica - White Knights, Glass Slippers and Other Romantic Myths
* Couples Corner - Cut Cupid Some Slack!


Monthly Mentor - The Coffee Shop of Make-Believe

Welcome to another issue of Sugar For My Coffee. This is the one segment I try to include in all my writings.

The Coffee Shop of Make-Believe is open. Please, come on in and join us.

He said, "One of the least romantic days of the year is Valentine's Day. Yes, you heard me correctly. The majority of men act like robots, purchasing flowers and chocolates for their sweethearts because that is what everyone else is doing. Many people celebrate the day out of obligation rather than celebration."

Valentine's Day, holiday for lovers! Romance is indeed in the air and our guest today in The Coffee Shop of Make-Believe offers help for lovers everywhere.

Today's coffee break guest: Michael Webb

Michael Webb He's been called, "The World's Most Romantic Man", "America's Romance Expert" and "Mr. Romance". If you have ever been blessed to read one of Michael's books, you know they are power-packed with some of the best relationship building ideas and resources you can find.

Here's what the media is saying about Michael Webb.

* "Turn to Michael Webb when you want to become the man of every woman's fantasy". Chicago Daily Herald * "He's discovered the secrets of keeping passion alive. They go beyond the ordinary shtick of sending flowers or buying candy." Houston Chronicle * "Helps men bring back the sizzle in their relationships." Fort Wayne Journal Gazette

I like what Michael says about these excerpts, "I don't agree with them, but I do aim to be the world's most loving husband."

Some of Michael Webb's works are:

1000 Questions For Couples
300 Creative Dates
50 Secrets of Blissful Relationships

Michael Webb has appeared on over 500 radio and television shows including NBC News, The Other Half, Fox News and Oprah.

His material is some of the most recommended resources on relationships available today and his Site receives MILLIONS of visitors each year.

Those of you who are familiar with this segment of my work know that you can join us for this coffee break any time you wish. You only have to grab a cup of coffee, pull up a seat at the table and get to know our guest.

You can do that now by visiting the following Website's on the INTERNET.

For Michael Webb visit here.
For more about me visit here.

Did someone say, "Pass The Sugar, Please"?


Perspective - The Comedy Clip Relationship

This is the area of our newsletter where we try to take perspective of things.

Have you noticed it?

Watch television programming on any given night, and you receive comedy clips from up-and-coming episodes of popular comedy sitcoms.

Ray Romano slyly puts down his wife's cooking while his dad belittles his mom in the name of humor and a few laughs. Doug makes glib and quirky remarks for laughs to his buddies about his wife's hair on King of Queens.

Now, I love to laugh as much as the next person. I enjoy living life with lightheartedness. I often think we just need to lighten up a little bit and enjoy life more. But not when it comes to using my wife as a comic clip for someone else's humorous moment. I value her more than that. The very person who trusts me more than anyone should not suffer because of me.

Have you ever seen it?

Have you ever watched the words of humor wound the heart of another in a relationship? Have you ever noticed the wince of pain as the "laughter" dagger finds its mark? Sure, they're smiling too, but the smile doesn't quite go all the way to the eyes.

I have seen it many times, and it's not a pretty sight.

Everybody may love Raymond, but not everybody loves to be on the receiving end of one of those “Raymond comedy clip” moments in real life.

The next time you think of filling a room with laughter at your significant other's expense, stop and think about the time the laugh was at your expense.

Creates a different perspective on things, doesn't it?

That's this month's perspective. All the best!


Journey With Jessica – White Knights, Glass Slippers and Other Romantic Myths

This segment helps us add a bit of estrogen to the testosterone mix of our newsletter.

Hi everyone! Jessica here!

Have you been caught in the web?

Caught in the web of what, you ask. Caught in the web of the fairy tale?

Whether you're a guy or a girl, we have all been caught in the web of this indulgent genre at one time or another. No, I'm not a cynic. I'm as romantic as the next girl, and being dramatically inclined, maybe even more so. But what I'm trying to say is, maybe it's time for us to honestly determine if we are putting impossible expectations on those we love.

Most women have done it at one time or another. "Honey, how come you never ____________." You fill in the blank. It can be "bring me roses", "write me poems", "cook me dinner by candlelight" or a myriad of other notions we have been brainwashed into expecting as signs of love. Before we know it, "BAM", we’ve been caught in the web. The man feels inferior, and the woman feels shortchanged.

The reality is: women can think romantic notions are proof of love, and many men love their wives/girlfriends but do not naturally think of these romantic notions. Does that mean they don't love their significant others? Of course not!

Men are just not predisposed to this mindset. They were busy playing G. I. Joe, while we were watching Cinderella for the 327th time.

Perhaps, the way to bridge this great divide is to communicate.

Yes, women need signs of love and affection on a regular basis, but we do not need to expect men to naturally think up extremely romantic situations as proof of their love. Why not say, "Honey, how about some roses and a candlelight dinner at Mario's for Valentine's Day?"

Why not say, "Honey, what do you want to do for our anniversary next week?" or "So, what are you getting me for my birthday?" This is preferable to being hurt when he gets you two tickets to the basketball game because he "knows how much you love basketball."

A little communication of your desires can go a long way, and a lot of heartache can be alleviated.

I know, I know. But if he loved me, he would remember. What does love really have to do with memory? The two are not mutually exclusive of each other.

Digging deeper, let's ask ourselves what we would rather have: a man who bought us flowers and diamonds regularly or a man who had his priorities right and truly empowered us with his strength and character, a man who knew his significance was found in his faith and family, not in his job, hobbies or other interests?

Women-if you are losing sleep at night praying and wishing for a romantic husband, spend that time on more valuable pursuits.

Pray that your husband would make his family his priority. Then open your eyes to real signs of love and meaningful affection. Being at home each night. Wrestling with the kids on the living room rug. Providing emotional support for what ails you in life.

Men-if you're killing yourself trying to find your identity in your vocation, position in life or the accolades of men, consider spending your time in a more gratifying way.

Look at your family as the gift it is. It is not standing in your way to more success. It is your success. The greatest gift you will ever give the world is a stable home. When it comes to your wife and children, the ultimate sign of your love is TIME.

Many have even discovered that a right perspective can often lead to greater moments of romance.

Hope you enjoyed our journey!

As always, looking forward to our time together next month.


COUPLES CORNER – Cut Cupid Some Slack

In this segment, we will share timely thoughts and articles on relationship building.

Valentine's Day! What a great idea to set aside a day for remembering those we love. It's even more than just remembering; it's romancing.

But it is also a holiday that many dread.

Because of the romantic tradition of this holiday, many hearts feel isolated, alone and left out. Many dread it so much, that they will not even venture out to a restaurant or movie on this day that seems to be set-aside for lovers.

Why are so many people alone? Why are Cupid's arrows not landing?

While I don't feel I have satisfactory answers to these questions, I would like to share a few perspectives here for us all to ponder. Agree or disagree, perhaps these insights can be helpful.

Let's take a look at a few of the arrows many ask to be shot from Cupid's arsenal and see if this helps us understand this dilemma a little better.

Arrow # 1 – The BULLS-EYE Arrow

With this arrow, Cupid is asked to hit dead center of the bulls-eye. This is what I call the must-be-perfect-to-be-my-love-interest arrow.

Is it at all possible that the perfection sought by many in relationships is only a mirage? Is it possible that the lofty dreams of relationship bliss that leaves one soaring away on clouds of romance and splendor to live happily ever after is only that, DREAMS?

While I am not at all suggesting significant differences aren't valid concerns, there comes a time in this world of imperfections and human imperfections that one has to decide if they are going to keep the ideal and give up the person or keep the person and give up the ideal.

I'm so glad my wife chose to give up the ideal and keep the person!

Arrow #2 The Flaming Arrow

Leading with the body! Body Heat. The fires of passion and sex!

Leading with the body seems to be the perspective of many in their approach to dating and relationship building these days. How many relationships have sizzled out due to a premature embracing of sexual desires?

These arrows from Cupid's arsenal often burn out before they hit their mark.

The question we ask on our site is: Is the heartbeat of relationships found more in "Being Wanted for a Night of a Lifetime" or in "Being Wanted for a Lifetime of Nights"?

Love for a night is easy. It's biological! Love for a Lifetime of Nights is something else all together. We believe it's what we were made for.

The point I am trying to make here is when one leads with the body, don't be surprised when the flaming arrow burns out before anything of depth and substance develops.

Arrow # 3 – The Shot In The Dark Arrow

You see this arrow being used so often in reality shows.

I find it interesting how couples try to get together based on feelings, a selection of friends and family members or through the dictates of a national television audience. Often, in this scenario, very little time is really spent getting to know one another.

Love is so much more than an attraction. It is so much more than a feeling. It is even so much more than physical desire.

Love isn't blind! It has as a foundation the building blocks of likeability. It is feelings of love ignited by the flames of likeability.

You can't just ask yourself if you are in love! You must ask yourself if you are IN LIKE.

It's not that you like "how they make you feel". It's not that you like having something to do when they're around. It's not even that you like your life more with them than you do without them. What really matters is that you LIKE THE PERSON THEY ARE.

This takes getting to know one another.

An arrow shot in the dark is going to have difficulty finding a target.

So, the next time you find yourself lonely and alone, cut Cupid some slack and you just may want to look into what arrows you are requiring released from Cupid's arsenal.

We'll cover more of these arrows in future issues of this Newsletter.


Comments? Ideas? Feedback?

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