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Sugar For My Coffee, Issue #006 -- EVERYTHING I LEARNED ABOUT RELATIONSHIP SUCCESS AT THE PLAYGROUND
June 10, 2004
Hello,

Here is your latest issue of Sugar For My Coffee

Dated June 10, 2004
Issue #006

Father's Day will be here soon.
You could buy him a round of golf or you
could help him increase his financial genius.
Help him discover how to find and use
the systems available to us all for
greater financial independence in life.
Find out more here!


PICTURES OF SELAH GABRIELLE

Selah decided to join us a day early on Sunday, April 25th. On Saturday, the 24th, we had just eaten dinner and were walking through town. My wife had just expressed how she would love to experience everything naturally instead of having to go in early on Monday morning for scheduled labor inducement.

She got her wish! Selah Gabrielle arrived a few short, fast hours, after our little walk. Here is a picture of our new addition being held by our son.

This issue is dedicated to Moms and Dads everywhere. It's placement between the two holidays, Mother's Day and Father's Day, makes it a timely issue.


*Sugar For My Coffee Mission*
To journey each month into The Coffee Shop of Make-Believe. While there, through cyberspace technology and the click of a mouse, we can enjoy a cup of coffee together as we get to know some of the most influential mentors of life empowerment of our time. Our presence together becomes, "Sugar For My Coffee".


Published by Stan Leffew
SFC@advice-for-lifetime-relationships.com

If you like this e-zine, please do a friend and me a big favor and "pay it forward". If a friend DID forward this to you, and if you like what you read, please subscribe by visiting here.


TABLE OF CONTENTS

* Monthly Mentor - The Coffee Shop of Make-Believe
* Perspective - What You Lead With, You Are Valued For
* Journey With Jessica - Props To Parents
* Couples Corner - Everything I Know About Relationship Success I Learned At The Playground


Monthly Mentor - The Coffee Shop of Make-Believe

Welcome to another issue of Sugar For My Coffee. This is the one segment I try to include in all my writings.

The Coffee Shop of Make-Believe is open. Please, come on in and join us.

A special welcome to every Mom and Dad joining us this month in, "The Coffee Shop of Make-Believe". In fact, you are our special guests. We want to invite every mother and father to sit down, grab a cup of coffee and let us offer you a special treat as you visit with us.

We trust you will enjoy your visit here as we introduce each of you via cyberspace technology to resources specifically designed for your enrichment.

For Fathers: Allow me to introduce you to, Armin Brott. Armin is hailed by Time Magazine as "the superdad's superdad". Armin has written on parenting and fatherhood for the New York Times Magazine, The Washington Post, Newsweek and dozens of other periodicals. He also hosts "Positive Parenting", a nationally distributed, weekly talk show.

For Mothers: Allow me to introduce you to, Jonni McCoy. Jonni presents seminars on living for less to women's groups and other conferences. She has appeared on the Gayle King Show and The 700 Club, and radio programs such as Family Life Today and Dick Staub Show. She has also been featured in Good Housekeeping, Family Circle, Woman's Day and Woman's World magazines.

Those of you who are familiar with this segment of my work know that you can join us for this coffee break any time you wish. You only have to grab a cup of coffee, pull up a seat at the table and get to know our guests. You can do that now by visiting the following Website's on the Internet.

For Fathers: Visit here.
For Mothers: Visit here.
For more about me visit here.

Did someone say, "Pass The Sugar, Please"?


Perspective - What You Lead With, You Are Valued For

This is the area of our newsletter where we try to take perspective of things.

What You Lead With, You Are Valued For

Leading-with-the-body!

We see this phenomenon all around us. Cleavage, short skirts, body piercing, sensual tattoos and suggestive conversations clearly show that ours is a culture saturated with a mindset that life revolves around our sexual appetite. Oh, for the innocence of days gone by before we lost our ability to blush.

Are we confusing desire and longing?

A Britney Spears music video at 2:00am may awaken desire, but it does nothing to satisfy the cry of the human heart for intimacy, love, acceptance, compatibility, oneness and commitment. Our site message is that the human heart longs to be wanted for a lifetime of nights and not just a night of a lifetime. Are we selling this longing short?

Stop and think for a moment.

Have you noticed that marriage is universal? Have you noticed that marriage isn't a hard sale at all? We don't have to go to any country in the world and hold seminars explaining what it means to get married. From the most populated nation in the world, to the most remote, the human heart longs for and desires to connect.

So, it really shouldn't surprise us when we hear that Jennifer Lopez may be married again. The human heart longs to connect!

Let me bring some closure to all this with a question.

If I mention the following names, what comes to your mind?

Pamela Anderson
Britney Spears
Hugh Hefner
Larry Flint

That's right, leading-with-the-body!

What we lead with is what we are valued for. If we lead with the body, we are valued for the body. If we lead with the mind, we are valued for the mind. If we lead with the spirit, we are valued for the spirit.

What do you want to be remembered for?

Are you living for desire or are you living for longing?

That's this month's perspective. All the best!


Journey With Jessica Props To Parents

This segment helps us add a bit of estrogen to the testosterone mix of our newsletter.

Hi everyone! Jessica here!

Props to Parents

You think you have some idea. You really do. You think you can imagine what it will be like, but there is no way to really know.

What am I talking about?

Parent life!

Imagine what it's like to wake up 4-5 times a night to see if your newborn is ready to eat. Imagine the responsibility of negotiating a car through a deluge of rain, constantly worried about the fragile contents in the backseat. Imagine trying to get a word in with your spouse while answering your child's "Why," for the tenth time in the last minute.

Such is the reality of those who are experiencing life after procreation. I now realize why the word PRO precedes CREATION.

Am I complaining?

Not for a single moment!

These things are the reality of that special group of people who have been given the miraculous duty of bringing up another generation of human beings.

To commemorate Mother's and Father's Day, I want to give props to parents.

Whether our children were planned or an "Oops, how'd that happen," there is a remarkable responsibility found in being a parent. Hopefully we can all look into those faces everyday, realizing that, and make the conscious decision to build into them all the important things in life.

Are we teaching them to share? Are we teaching them to be compassionate? Are we teaching them to be polite? Are we teaching them to treat all people equally? Remember that the things we instill in them today will mold them into the leaders and workforce of our next generation.

I'm not saying it's always easy. Lord knows there are moments that we all think of pulling our hair out as we run from the house screaming. That old advertisement, "Calgon, take me away," runs through my mind at least once a week as my newborn wakes up at the exact moment that my two tear old falls asleep.

As I wonder if I can make it through another day, I know that there is more important work being done here than just feeding, diapering and clothing kids. There's the work of being real.

I have to remember to say I'm sorry to my two year old when I raise my voice at him for putting his paint-clad hand on my white skirt. By doing this, I teach him to apologize when he loses his temper.

I have to remember to go into my child's room and play with him rather than sitting on the couch and watching TV. This teaches him that he's more important to me than people I don't even know. Our children learn from what we do, not just from what we say.

To the parent I say:

P - Pay attention to your needs as well as the needs of your children.
R - Remember to cultivate friendships in your world and not just your child's world.
O - Own up to the fact that it's OK not to have all the answers.
P - Pour yourself a cup of coffee every now and then, you deserve it.
S - Spouse's make great babysitters for "me time" moments in life.

As you negotiate each day with your own children, I want to thank you for the hard work you put into being a parent. You see I have a vitally important stake in how you bring up your children; they will be my children's friends, co- workers and, one day, his and her spouses.

Keep up the good work. I'm depending on you.

Blessings!

Hope you enjoyed our journey. Until next month!


COUPLES CORNER Everything I Know About Relationship Success I Learned At The Playground

In this segment, we will share timely thoughts and articles on relationship building.

Everything I Know About Relationship Success
I Learned At The Playground

It happened again!

I was enjoying an evening with my little 2-yr. old son at the playground when, BAM, it happened. You ever have one of those moments in life when you know you are being taught an important lesson?

Picture in your mind a chaotic atmosphere of over fifty little children battling for their turn to play on a handful of playground rides and objects.

Recipe for disaster, huh? That's what I thought, too, until my observations quickly picked up something else.

Sure, they were running into one another, crying and trying to get ahead of each other for the rides. They were walking across other children who had fallen down in front of them and were pushing one another to get their turn. They were running to their parents for comfort after getting their feelings hurt.

As I stood there taking in the scenery before me, those little blessings of life showed me some important lessons about relationship success. If you will indulge me a moment, I will share with you what I found out.

Relationship Success Lesson #1 - The Principle of Fun:

Not much to say here! It's simple; these kids loved to have fun.

In adult relationships, life throws curves at us constantly. Responsibilities come at us from every angle. It takes conscious effort to remember to have fun together in life. I emphasize the word, "together". I'm not talking about the type of fun where the husband plays golf and the wife shops.

The "heavy" takes it toll on relationships, and we do well when we give our relationship a time-out from the heavy and lighten up. Couples who play together, stay together.

Relationship Success Lesson #2 - The Principle of Fascination:

As I stood there watching, it was interesting to see how the younger children reacted to the older kids. It didn't take much observance to see that they were taken by and fascinated with them.

Fascination! While it is not a word often associated with relationship success, if you want thriving relationships, you may just want to give it some precedence.

I was blessed earlier in life to have a couple who had been married over twenty-six years model this for me. Whenever anyone saw them together, they were holding hands and playfully giddy as if they had just started dating. When I asked what caused her to be this much in love with a man after so many years of marriage, she responded, "He fascinates me."

Let that sink in a moment.

Are you an interesting person? Would you consider yourself intriguing? Do you have interests in life that cause other people to want to be around you, or are you often bored?

A few things to note:

* Bored people are boring people.
* Having interests will help make us more fascinating in life.
* In the world of relationship enrichment, "Couch Potatoes Need Not Apply".

Relationship Success Lesson #3 - The Principle of Forgiveness

As I stood and watched, two children were running on the playground in opposite directions, and I saw it coming before they did. They each circled the same object until they literally met in the middle. Two more kids came around and did the same thing.

Tempers flared, emotions ran high, tears ran down their cheeks and feelings were hurt. Less than two minutes later, they were off running and playing together, and all was forgotten.

What would happen in adult relationships if we learned how to do that? Instead of internalizing everything, we learn not to take it all so personally. Instead of holding grudges, we learn to hold hands.

Children have soft hearts - life can sometimes harden them.

Sheds a little light on the phrase, "Except you become like little children", doesn't it?


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