Heat Connection

Cheap Sex with a High Cost

Sex, pornography, now you’re getting to what I came to this site for!

HEAT seems to be the biggest driving force in the world today. Our culture seems to have a lead-with-the-body focus when it comes to relationship building.

Sit down for any length of time before a TV set and you will have to filter through numerous sex images promoting pornography and “Night of a Lifetime” relationships. Late night TV bombards our minds with Spring Break and Girls Gone Wild images and “Porn” is among the most searched topics on the Internet.

We hear questions often like:

* Is making love in marriage more meaningful?

* Is purity in relationships a vital issue?

* What about birth control and abstinence?

We have a question we like to ask as a challenge to the porn enthusiast and those promoting and struggling with pornography in our sex-crazed society.

Is the heartbeat of relationships found more in “Being Wanted for a Night of a Lifetime” or in “Being Wanted for a Lifetime of Nights”?

Having the right perspective on HEAT is the key to depth and substance in our relationships and in our lives.

The theme and focus of this entire site has been to show how being “Wanted for a Lifetime of Nights” is deeper and more meaningful than just being “Wanted for a Night of a Lifetime”.

Up to this point we have covered the Heart Connection, the Home Connection and the Holy Connection of The FOUR-H FORMULA.

What role does our fourth H, “Heat Connection” (Sex), play in The FOUR-H FORMULA we are covering on this site?

Come along and let’s see!


Interesting, isn’t it, that I should dare not place the HEAT Connection at the top of the list in The Four-H Formula?

I’ve done this on purpose!

“HEAT” should be the RESULT of relationship and not the REASON for relationship.

When it comes to relationships today, more often than not, it seems that the primary focus of our culture is HEAT, or sex. The music we listen to sings about it. The performers we watch exude it. The programs we watch on TV demonstrate it. Our school systems are teaching it.

Sex seems to dominate our thoughts and actions. No wonder so many people struggle with pornography today.

Are we allowing porn to influence and dictate our thinking?

Even the youngest of teenage girls seems to reveal in their style of dress and in their actions their belief that SEX is what being a woman is all about. Our teenagers quickly seem to embrace the cultural trend of leading-with-the-body.

Is it possible that there is just too much of a preoccupation with sex in our culture? Isn’t sex used now to sell just about anything imaginable? Even things that have absolutely nothing to do with sensuality are promoted through the medium of sex.

If you are struggling with pornography and finding your Purity Under Pressure in this porn saturated and sex – crazed society, CLICK HERE.

What started out as a playboy freedom from traditional morals and so-called Victorian restraints has resulted in CHAINS OF ANOTHER KIND!

The results of unbridled passion have led countless thousands into sexual preoccupation, addiction to pornography, and, ultimately, chaos.

I have as much testosterone in me as any other man. I understand the allurement of physical attraction and can appreciate it. However, I also understand the tragedy of living in a world overly preoccupied with appetites and drives.

I don’t want to live in a world where we’re able to access sex, nudity and debauchery on every T.V. channel. I don’t want to live in a world where pornography is easily attainable on the shelves of every store we enter.


I DON’T THINK OUR CHILDREN NEED THAT PREOCCUPATION GROWING UP!Reasons we believe pornography is cheap sex with a high cost:

1. Porn leads many into preoccupation and addiction with sex.

2. Porn leads many to identify men and women as objects to be lusted instead of people to be loved.

3. Porn leads many away from the power there is in purity. The reality is, I have seen guys go crazy over women they respected for their virtue and purity. (Women without purity are women men want to CONQUER and not women they want to PROTECT.)

4. Porn is for many a cheap substitute that cannot satisfy the longing of our hearts to “Be Wanted for a Lifetime of Nights and not Just a Night of a Lifetime”.

5. Porn leads many to bypass quality relationships in pursuit of mere images – lifeless reproductions that can arouse but never give and receive love.

It is our belief that God has more in mind for sex than downloading 3 x 5 images onto a computer screen.

It is our belief that God has more in mind for sex than the glossy pages of pornography in magazines.

It is our belief that God has more in mind for sex than “Girls Gone Wild”, “Spring Break” and porn in movies.

Men in our culture have allowed impurities to so dominate their minds that the trend in society is a misplaced value on women being considered primarily as sex objects.

The words of Raymond Wilson come to mind, The problem is not necessarily X-rated movies, the problem is X-RATED MINDS.

Do we really want to live in a world so entangled in porn that we belittle everything of decency, character, purity and praise the shallow, depraved and perverse?

Who determined that freedom from restraints would better serve humanity anyway? Who determined that restraints were the big evil of our lives?


Imagine a world where no restraints governed:

* Our highways
* Air travel
* Sporting events
* Schools
* Businesses
* Governments

Removing restraints doesn’t produce freedom; it produces chaos!

It seems that while lashing out at restraints, we’ve heightened sex to a pedestal of worship that has led many a man into entrapment with the chains of pornography.

Don’t misunderstand! Sex isn’t evil of itself; however, it does make a better servant than it does a MASTER.

Sex, as it is seen in pornography, falsely depicts men and women as “Night of a Lifetime” fantasies for one another who have very little interest in being wanted for a “Lifetime of Nights”.

Is this really true?

Only until our hearts betray us and we once again show we really want intimacy, family, character, commitment and love.

The urge-to-merge is indeed powerful, but a quality relationship works best when not excluding the other three connections covered in our formula.

Heat is really only a small part of a relationship. In fact, the biggest part of relational life occurs outside of the bedroom.

Doesn’t it seem logical then, that one should focus their effort and energy into developing these other key areas?

Heat is vitally important in relationships, but heat will find its greatest and most rewarding expression when coupled with holy, home and heart connections.

Some facts about sex not seen in pornography.

CAUTION – Heat can SHOCK and BURN you!

When the Heat turns on, the Heart can tune out. Dating can become centered round physical involvement instead of life involvement.
Most guys may be willing to sleep with someone who is promiscuous, but fewer want her to be their wife or the mother of their children.
How one handles their life sexually will help establish the amount of trust their relationships have. Your sexual past can affect your relationship future.
Heat emotion is not necessarily heart emotion. The passions and emotions that arise out of heat can make it more difficult to assure the relationship is being established on heart instead of heat.
Love desires to do for others at the expense of self, because love desires to GIVE. Lust desires to do for self at the expense of others, because lust desires to GET.

Again, it is important to remember that heat is the result of relationship and not the reason for relationship.

For those who wonder why any of this even matters, character will always matter!

“Being Wanted for a Lifetime of Nights and Not Just a Night of a Lifetime” will always matter!


1. Enlarge your world and narrow your bed instead of enlarging your bed and narrowing your world. Enrich life outside of the bedroom! Make your world big, not your bed!
2. Take care to control your physical mindset. Garbage in, garbage out. Your thought life will flow out of what you feed your mind. Pornography as a mental food source can lead to mental gluttony. Remember that sex is a gift from God and with the gift comes responsibility
3. Be aware that those of the opposite sex are people to be loved instead of objects to be lusted. Use things and love people, not the other way around.
4. Understand that there is power in purity. I have seen guys go crazy over women they respected for their virtue and purity. (Women without purity are women men want to CONQUER and not women they want to PROTECT.)
5. Remain true to your heart. Decide that it is better to be wanted for a lifetime of nights and not just a night of a lifetime.


The purpose of this site is to assist us all in moving up to the next level in our personal and relational lives. Pornography and sexual experience hasn’t met that need.


1. Our message is really about living well.

2. One area in our lives of living well comes through “The Relationship Element” and empowering our relationships with “The Four-H Formula”.

3. The “Four-H Formula” is made up of four core connections that help lead to better, happier, well-rounded relationships.

* Heart Connection – Heart enhances relationships when we see that it is really LIKE and not only LOVE that is of such great value.
* Home Connection – Home enhances relationships when we have a passion and overall appreciation for home and family.
* Holy Connection – Holy enhances relationships by teaching us how to live our lives ON PURPOSE.
* Heat Connection – Heat enhances relationships when we see that heat is the RESULT of relationship, not the REASON for relationship.

The FOUR-H FORMULA helps us to better understand the big picture of life and relationships.

If you…

* settle the issue of the HOLY,
* enrich the world with a stable HOME,
* make likeability a matter of the HEART and
* don’t get burned by the HEAT,

…you too, can have relationships that thrive.

More great resources on sex, pornography and sexual sanity in life are listed below for your benefit.

Take this information and apply it to your life. If you can learn and live by these principles, you will be on your way to navigating better relationships.MASTER THE ART OF LIVING WELL!

Someday, I hope that you too will be able to engrave “My FOUR-H Bride/Groom” into something signifying your relationship.

Visit the “Contact Us” page and drop me a line if you do.


Find out why so many men are dealing with SEXUAL SANITY issues and pornography in their lives, and how they can have victory.